I just want to start off by saying, “I love you”. I also would like to point out, that in addition to loving you, I find you the biggest pain in the ass, ever. I don’t know why you insist on trying to rip my skirts off my body. I’m sure your instinct says to ‘kill’ but perhaps the 8.99 skirt I bought at CATO doesn’t really need to die? Perhaps it’s just a harmless garment to cover my thighs and dimply butt.
Furthermore, your desire to eat when and where you choose is annoying. I feel guilty when picking up the food bowl when there’s still shit in it, but you really need to get on MY schedule, kid. Your schedule sucks and I don’t think I’m supposed to allow you to graze. Putting the bowl in your crate seemed like a good idea but it just makes you not want to go to sleep later. Perhaps you don’t have to take a bite of kibble, and then walk around the house exploring shit, and then wind your way back to the bowl. Know what I’m saying? Maybe we could just stand there and eat our shit, and then go explore the house. Can we at least CONSIDER this a possibility. I am just absolutely CERTAIN you are too skinny. And I know you loved your food…so I’m not really understanding. Angus is weighing 32 pounds and you weigh 23.2 — I know you’re a little girl- but my gawd– eat your food!
Also, the sudden ‘attack of the face’ thing that’s been going on is not acceptable. Your deplorable behavior these last two days is just unfathomable. I know you are feeling better, but when Mommy says, “No!”, she means it! And if that means I have to redirect you, I would like to do so without fear of having my face eaten off. And the noise you are making now in the back of your throat when Alea and I are reprimanding you? That’s called BACK TALK…and you don’t even want to know what happens to Alea and Hunter when THEY backtalk, so I’d just go ahead and straighten that shit up immediately. Also, while I’m thinking about it. We have had you less than 14 days and have taken you to the vet THREE times already. I don’t know why you keep getting sick, but I’ve had about enough of it.
Now, with all that said, I just want to say that you make my heart happy every time I look at you. You make me smile when I walk in the door and see your sweet, wiggly butt and get your soft little kisses. I love to watch you play outside and attack the grass. I love it when you are attacking Hunter and bossing Alea around. Everytime you ‘talk back’ to me and try to eat my nose off, I giggle on the inside. Because you’re adorable.
Adorable, yet terrible. A terrible, terrible animal. Truly.