So, I’ve been avoiding a post lately, guys. Mainly because I’m embarrassed and slightly humiliated. You see, Jay and I have had dogs for our entire marriage. Two, champion stock, extremely spoiled Golden Retrievers. Forbin and Tela were *very* spoiled– yet they were also very well behaved, for the most part. Tela was alpha and although she was VERY bossy, she was also really sweet. That dog loved to go swimming more than anything else on the planet. She’d wake up on Saturday/Sunday mornings and bark the most annoying, high pitched, obnoxious bark until you took her to the lake to swim. I can’t tell you how many times I got pounced awake on Sunday mornings to take that obnoxious fluffball to the lake.
Tela was about about 6 and Forbin was about 4 when the kids and I came along. By that time, most of the terrible was gone from both of them– aside from Tela’s bossy ways. They were extremely well behaved in the house, and the 9 years I had with those dogs, they never once chewed up shit they weren’t supposed to, nor did they ever have an accident. They had been crate trained when they were young– but they were long out of the crate by the time I came along. I honestly thought life with Stella would be the same.
Oh…I was so wrong.
Stella is 9 months old. We’d been ‘testing’ her a few times, leaving her out and about in the house (We have a doggie door that leads to a fenced in yard– so she’s safe in that way.) She normally doesn’t ‘challenge’ boundaries too much– we have a baby gate on our stairs that just sort of leans there. She doesn’t mess with it if it’s in it’s place. You don’t even need to really secure it. If it’s there– she knows she isn’t allowed upstairs. So she just doesn’t screw with it. (I’m goign to put gates up in the kitchen pretty quickly. The last thing on this sweet earth I need is Stella AND Duncan playing “Let’s Be Douchers” in the kitchen when I’m cooking. Or worse, cutting shit up or something. Anyway– the other day I decided to let Stella stay out of her crate in the morning. Normally, if the kids are home I will wake one up to come get in our bed and snuggle with Stella till she’s ready to wake up. Alea and Jay were gone that morning and I decided instead of crating her, or waking up Hunter– I’d just let her chill downstairs. Normally she will get a bone or something this time of day and chew on it till she falls asleep, either on the couch or on her chaise lounge in my office. If she’s not doing htat, she’s sitting in her air chair in the backyard, sunning her bones and enjoying the yard. I figured it was a safe bet.
I left the house at 6:45 am.
Hunter woke up and went downstairs at 8:05 am. He found this:
I don’t even know what to say. As you can clearly see, Donkey most likely began with a lick on the wall. It’s now it normally starts. Just a small, small lick. She then takes her front teeth and begins to very, very gently drag her teeth down the drywall. Once she gets a good angle– she goes to town. Drag. Drag. Drag. Until finally, you have the masterpiece before you.
And so, this weekend will be spent at Home Depot, purchasing the materials necessary to fix this shit.
(I wasn’t even mad when I saw it. 9 months is too early for this particular doggy to be left alone. It will be many months until we try again.
In other news, Jay has coined the term Treasure Chase for when Stellz steals her treasures (treasures are anything she finds that she knows she’s not supposed to have. Like shoes) and makes you chase her all over the yard for them. Here’s a great example of Treasure Chase:
Treasure Chase also includes special moves, like repeated Retarded Antelope, The ‘Dozer Dane, and Frolicking Doe along with my favorite move, The Fighting Kangaroo– where her front legs are pawing the air/her toys/your face. Unfortunately, all of these moves are followed by Zoomies…you know the drill. Treasure Chase can be deadly, ya’ll. It really can.
Here are some shots from different ages and dates, that show some of Stella’s favorite moves:
The Retarded Antelope:
The Fighting Kangaroo:
The ‘Dozer Dane:
The Frolicking Doe: