Look, I have to tell you something that’s going to blow your mind, kid. You better be sitting down, (and you better not be chewing stuff you aren’t supposed to, either…) because this is going to shock you. Last night when we were playing in the yard with Hunter and Daddy, and you were acting like a crazed hooligan? And then you ran over to me and decided it was completely appropriate to try to rip off my sundress, and then proceeded to FLAY my foot open, causing said foot to bleed?
That shit hurt.
You know, in case you were wondering or anything. In fact, I cried out in pain for assistance from Hunter or your father, and they sat there laughing like assbags while you dined upon my foot flesh. Later, when my foot was bleeding all over the carpet they were both aghast at how my foot was bleeding. “Why didn’t you say something?!?” they asked. Something like, “AHHH, HELP! SHE’S BITING THE SHIT OUT OF ME”?
Cuz, yeah. I did.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I know you did that shit in retribution because you are STILL pissed off about the baths. But here’s the deal- I don’t allow stinky dogs in my house. I’ll wipe you down with a damp washcloth if I can, but honestly if you smell like rotten garbage, then you can pretty much just expect that a bath is soon to follow. And also, I don’t care if you don’t like the tub, because it’s better than listening to the wailing that occurred in the yard the other day when I tried to do it with the hose. Honestly, you’re a prima donna. Hell, the first bath was in a nicely warmed tub with a mat on the bottom, and you acted like I was eating your skin off piece by piece. Also, if you expect to continue sneaking into bed at 4:30 in the morning after your before dark thirty pee, then you’d better smell like a rose.
While we are on the topic of bed, let me tell you this– the whole freaking thing you are trying to pull that when Daddy comes home you’re a complete Angel? I don’t think he’s fooled. And if he is, it won’t be for long, because I have to go back to work on Monday, which means Daddy is going to stay home with you. And I can imagine there is going to be a LOT of you being flipped onto your back. I hope he owns you , because you sort of deserve it, Princess.
Also, you’re super cute right now, all asleep on the couch. I’m going to try to move you to your crate right now, but you’re growing so much I can barely pick you up anymore. I love to pick you up when you’re sleeping. The sleepy, sweet kisses are my favorite.
I had fun with you this week, sugar pop! I hope you did, too.
(Please give Daddy hell next week. He deserves it! :D)